Pets and Children

All little girls want pets in their house. My first want was a pony.  I said we could keep him in the guest room, we didnt have any land.  That went over like a lead balloon.  My second thing was a kitten.  That I got.  It was an outdoor cat ” tiffany nicole” hey dont make fun of the name it was the late 70′s.  Mom had this thing about animals in the house.   To be fair, she wasnt my first pet.  I had a golden mix I think in grammer school.  Her name was skipper.  She was a great dog, again outside dog.  They kept her tied up in the garage when they were at work.  When we were getting ready to move, skippers line got cut.  I was told she went to a farm and was living free… just to be clear, I never bought that.  That was not the first time I learned my parents were evil.  The first time comes much earlier.  We were living on Loving Road in this little red house. I was maybe 3 and we had one car and mom took dad to work every day.  We lived by some really good neighbors thank goodness.  Went to church with them.  Anyway.. they didnt have a lot of money for entertainment but a kid is always free entertainment.  They were sitting in lawn chairs out in the yard and I was running around doing what kids do, or rather used to do outside,  and one of them told me if I could put salt on a birds tail I could catch it.  So I went in the house got the salt shaker and came outside, deteremined.   I chased those gosh darned birds all over the yard with that dang salt shaker and never could get a one.. the thing I remember most is my parents laughing their fool heads off.  Moral of the story.. if you can get close enough to put salt on a birds tail you can catch it.  I didnt know that.   I say thats child abuse LOL. But it was funny. I got her back.  My parents sang in a gospel group for like 14 yrs. When I was very little, I really didnt understand that whole concept. I would just wait til they were all up singing and sneak outside.  One day in a local church my mom got to missing me while she was up singing.  She came down and went outside.. it had been raining and it was almost Easter and I was sitting in a mud puddle in my stockings, but I had taken my dress off and had it folded beside me.  Hey, thats talent.

Other thing that happened in that house, my mom took dad to work one morning.. this was before the enlightened years of seatbelts and helmets etc and I was standing up beside mom in the car. When she turned, I fell over her arms, knocked her into the ditch head end up.  Our neighbor got me out the window and got her out the door.   Dad was not pleased.

I know this would seem to have nothing to do with chemo or radiation or anything.  But it has everything to do with it.  It proves my parents were evil LOL.. it also proves that when you re evaluate your life, things you thought were unimportant become important.  And its these memories that will carry you through the hard times.  And let you know that no matter how bad things get…..better times will prevail.  In the midst of all this stuff…….thats a lot.  It makes losing your hair and your appetite and your nails… it just puts it into perspective.   Its just stuff.  Family is everything.

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Radiation and Growing Hair, or Not.

Well, first I’ve learned dont blog AFTER you’ve taken your sleeping pill, pffffffffffffft.  You forget how to type and how to spell LOL.

Things are really going pretty good, all things considered.  No real side effects from the radiation although they tell me my skin will become irritated at some point. Nothing some good ole vitamin E won’t cure.. or at least help.  Its only been a couple of weeks and already its getting very old going to Blairsville every day, or at least every week day.  The good news is I get a three day weekend because of the holiday.

I search for signs daily of my hair coming back.. nothing really to report so far.  I learned that it can take up to 7 weeks after taking Taxotere for your hair to start growing, but Im ready NOW.  I do have a little bit going on, but I think that was already there, hair that I never lost.. I had just shaved it off.  It better hurry up because its getting way too warm to wear something on my head all the time.  I would really prefer there to be a little bit growing before I start going all commando 🙂

On the up side, I feel like Im starting to get some energy back.  My appetite is good and Im starting to realize that when I was taking chemo, I never quite recovered all the way before I had to go back for more.  I had a surviver tell me she didnt realize how bad she felt until she was done and started to feel better. I’m also finding that to be true.  On the down side, all this eating is going to make me gain weight.  I think I need to go back to eating more healthy and less fat , ahem.

So, the hair watch continues.  Will let you know what happens.

Days of Wine and Roses

That has no meaning other than it was a movie I really liked.  And Im not even sure that was the real title.  Chemo brain.  Wait .. War of the Roses.  Kathleen Turner and Micheal …. something.  See.  You all know his name, I dont.  Its infuriating.  I can see his dad plain as day.  For all you uninformed,  this is what chemo brain feels like.   I will give you an even better example.  I am a HUGE American Idol fan. I have watched religiously for 10 yrs.  ( I know its been on 11).  The other night I was talking to my dad on the phone, he watches it too but wont admit it.  He asked me who I thought would be voted off.  I choked.  I couldnt even remember who was in the running.  I didnt tell him that, I played it off.  Douglas, thats it.. Micheal Douglas.  But you see what Im getting at.  Its enough to make you want to slap your mama.

Im starting to feel better.   In a couple days, hopefully I will be back to almost normal.  Makes sense, tomorrow I go back to work.  Im dehydrated, but other than that my blood work looks good.   Im sorry there is not enough G2 in the world ( thats a kind of gatorade).  But I keep trudging on.

I did have one bright spot.  I went today for my preliminary pics for my radiation.  they had to do the CT scan and mark the sites etc.  Part of that involves putting permanent tattoos on my chest.  They are tiny and I cant even hardly see them.  But those of you that know me know I have a tattoo on my arm that my dad hates. Always has.  Tonight after I watched idol I talked to him again ( when I could remember who was actually still on the show) and my favorite got voted off pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.  Still hate that.  Anyway.  I was griping bout her being voted off and I told him, btw, I got three tatoos today.  He was like ” what?????????????” It took him a minute to figure out I was talking about my radiation , but it was SO worth it.  I had to chuckle.   Now, I cant even see the marks but it was reaction I was going for… I know I know… Im evil.  I love my father more than anything in this world, but getting a good yell out of him still makes me giggle 🙂 Its sadistic I know.  I should be nicer to him..  he has put up with a lot from me.  But I just cant seem to help myself.  I know you guys get it.  On the up side, he’s the best dad ever.  He has supported me, emotionally…. he tried to financially when I had my surgery and it gave me great pleasure to say no…. just wait for one day when I really need it… I think he’s proud of me.  And theres nothing else I could ever ask, ever.  He instilled in me family………….you dont ever lose that.  He also taught me to balance a check book ( to the penny) and for that Im forever grateful.  And he took me fishing.. even when I thought I didnt want to go ( cause I was too big for that) and never made me bait my own hook.  Those memories are precious and I can remember those from when I was young and I cant remember what I had for lunch last Tuesday.  Let me just say this…….nothing tastes better than peanut butter crackers with a RC cola with peanuts floating in the bottom of it and veinna sausage out of the can.  That was our lunch.  Dont know it til you’ve tried it.  No wonder I didnt know what Prada was………I was barefoot most of that time.  But I wouldnt change places with anyone.   Thanks dad. That and knowing Im going to be okay.  95% cure rate with everyting I have done. That aint for nothing ( no double negatives intended).

Will keep you posted.

Chemo effects and Whats Next?

So I had my last “bad” chemo on Wednesday.  Big milestone.  Back in January I didnt think this day would ever come.  Im still in the midst of the side effects of the first week or so, so I havent really been able to celebrate it yet but I am grateful.  I know the side effects DO go away in a few days hopefully and then I will be able to EAT and it TASTE good.  I would hope I would have energy but was dismayed when one cancer survivor told me it took two years to get your energy back.  Not what I wanted to hear and have decided I will be different 🙂 After all, everything is subjective, right?  Meanwhile, now that I am finished with the chemo that wreaks havoc on my body, my eyebrows are dissapearing ( its like they cut off at the halfway mark) and I really suck at penciling them in.  I wind up wiping most of it off lol.  My eyelashes have gotten big gaps in them and Im sorry girls, there isnt enough mascara in the world.  Eh, they will grow back.. not the end of the world.  I think I gave up being vane when I turned 40 anyway.  Certainly since I lost my hair and my face developed wrinkles I didnt know it could.  I considered putting the olive oil I was putting on my head on my face but decided that it would just wake my rosacea up or give me pimples.. that is the one bright side……. apparently chemo is good for rosacea so Im not going to put that to the test.   On the up side, in a couple weeks my hair should start growing again.  On the down side, that means I get to take up shaving my legs and underarms again…. havent had to do that since Jan either.  Kinda going to miss that.

What I didnt expect was to be so…….forgetful.  I told Mark, chemo brain must be real because I have found over the last month or six weeks, I have trouble keeping up with everything.  Appts, bills, etc.  ( Im usually pretty anal about that stuff).  Now I do good to remember what Im supposed to be doing one day to the next.  Last month, it was half gone before I ‘remembered’ I hadnt paid some bills except my rent.. and then I couldnt rememeber which ones I paid pfffffffffft.   Then this month I scheduled two docs for the same day, luckily I found it and fixed it but sheeeeeeeesh.  Mark went to the store tonight, he was like, what did you want me to get. I had to tell him ” I have no idea”.  Maybe Im just getting senile.

I think the lack of energy has made me a little apathetic.  I wanted to plant and to shop and do all this stuff…… that has kinda gone out the window.  At least for now.  Maybe it will come back as the chemo gets out of my system.  I havent planted anything.   I was getting really winded at work and had a coworker tell me I needed to exercise to keep my strength up. Now this is really good advice, except that some days my idea of exercise is taking a shower. I have to rest for 3o minutes afterward.  Sigh. This too shall pass.

Its hard to really celebrate as Im not really done.  Im looking at six weeks of radiation and then another six months or so of the good chemo, Herceptin. Everyone tells me it dosent have the side effects of the carboplatin and taxotere.  They better not be lying.  From all accounts, the radiation shouldnt have too many side effects either.  Thats my sincere wish anyway.  Im about over the whole thing 🙂 I thank you guys for hanging in there with me.  Will let you know how it goes.